When I understood my fears and let them go. I no longer feel the need to be in a relationship. Now I know that sounds strange but that very urge for a relationship is us looking for something, wanting something, missing something…seeking that love and happiness ‘out there or in another…but is quietly waiting within us, waiting for us to finally stop and look within, inside those fears we hold and understand them. Because in understanding them we finally see that love and happiness we ever search for is in fact our own, that fact as a child we have covered our hearts from that pain of those we love and looked up to and took it as a rejection of us, but in doing so blocked our own love too. So we go looking for it everywhere, and over such a long period of time, when we do finally find it inside us and see its truth, the urge to find it anywhere else has gone, we do not ‘need’ that love as we have finally found our own. That part of us that always seemed to be missing in our lives.
But, I’m still human and the human condition is one of connecting, sharing, and being a part of family, groups, etc. But now instead of sharing a very conditional love I now share me unconditionally. And no, I’m not that egotistical that I can purely give of that place as I’m still human, I still kick my toes if I don’t pick my feet up, I still have urges of chocolate (well, not that often) 🤣 and I still have to breathe and walk and buy groceries, because this is a conditional world, but in showing it all to me I understand it and slowly let it go, becoming something that is as ready as it will ever be to stand at those gates and dare to smile and appreciate with what I was given down here, and in that appreciation give unconditionally that love that was given me.
That is all He wants to see, that gift that He gave us unconditionally. We can only love God unconditionally when we finally love ourselves unconditionally and then become one with Him. And this world is indeed a gift, a purity beyond belief when we see, in the end, that it is indeed all that searching for something that can only be understood when we understand all else and then by letting it all go.
All things begin with nervousness, doubt, and even fear…simply because we don’t understand them. And in experiencing them we do begin to understand them and as time goes by we ‘let them go’. Like a new job or driving a car for the first time, all begin with that nervousness, doubt, or fear…but now after years we barely think about them. All that we do is built on exactly these things. And our love is no different, we need to experience it all, all those emotions that build our love…anger, hate, and sadness need to be experienced so that we can understand and appreciate their opposites of joy, love, and happiness. But in all those experiences we are still distorted by our fears, we doubt ourselves in all we do. And we only ever attract to us ‘wherever we are at within ourselves’…simply so that we can feel and understand ourselves and eventually that unconditional love waiting for us to uncover.
But with all those experiences we will one day see something that we had ever hidden from ourselves, afraid to look because of its pain. But when we have experienced so much, only then will we understand when we see the answer. The one doubt of ourselves had been built by a child…us…and locked away. And that fear was passed onward to a future us, no matter the age. But when that adult finally dares its combination and looks into that hidden place a treasure beyond words will be waiting…an understanding of it all…something that will wipe away everything, and so much so it will feel like you’re in another world, but this one built by something else. Instead of a world of pain, isolation, and hurt, in finally understanding us in that one moment, we will see that all that we held onto is no longer required, no longer has meaning, and no longer is us…and we let it all go, all those ‘conditions’ we had bound ourselves by, is let go…and we become unconditional.
We must experience and ‘know’ conditional to see and understand unconditional. And it is in seeing us, within it all that we have ever done, built on that very fear we had held…that we finally understand our journey. Can now see that it had all had a great purpose, to show us something that cannot be shown any other way. You cannot know what a world looks like without first being shown a map, you cannot know what a mountaineer feels like without first climbing a mountain, you cannot understand love without first experiencing hate (and the opposites of all those other emotions). And we cannot know and understand unconditional love without first experiencing conditional love. We have been given a gift so beautiful to be beyond words…because on that day that you do see and understand ‘you’, you will not deny a step or a stumble you have experienced because you will know without them all you would be lost. It is in having faith in ourselves, trusting in our steps that we do dare to look within, dare to be loved…dare to see a hidden but unintentional child’s view of ourselves…understand it, and free ourselves from it forever. ❤ 🙏🏽 🦋
Thank you Mark from “Healing Your Heart From Within” for your contribution.